I'm fresh out of ideas for Mother's Day gifts. I've given you flowers, candy, potpourri, sweaters, jewelry, perfume and what I thought was a very nice autographed picture of Fabio.
This year I'm taking a different tack. Because I know you really miss the people you've lost to cancer, I'm joining you at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer later this month.
Brush away your tears, sweet mother. I know what you're thinking: cheapskate. Just because I swapped my Donnie Osmond picture for your Fabio gift doesn't mean I'll be bartering again this year.
Quite the contrary. I'm outfitting you with Avon Walk pink ribbon footwear and apparel from Reebok. Wearing pink ribbon products will be another great way to show your support at the walk. And I'll be showing mine because a portion of my purchase will go to fight breast cancer.
So please do me a favor: quit bringing up my Fabio gift at every family gathering. How do you think I feel being left with just Marie?
Your Loving Child